Backdoor action doesn’t have to be painful. We asked two sex experts for (just) the tips.
Welcome to the new BuzzFeed Sex Q&A where you can ask us your awkward, confusing, gross, embarrassing, or thought-provoking questions, and we'll provide answers from leading sexual health experts. Have a question about sex or sexual health? Send it to sexQs@buzzfeed.com.
This week’s question:
Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed
Hey BuzzFeed,
First of all, I would like to thank you for all you do. You're amazing, and I love it all. Can't start my day without spending some time on BuzzFeed.
I am a gay 21-year-old male, and I often have casual sex, most of the time it's just oral and not anything more. However, I know that I am versatile, but I have only topped before. I tried to bottom a couple of times, but I couldn't go through with it.
My question is, simply, how can I make bottoming hurt less? I really wanna do it, but it just hurts too much. How can I change that?
Thank you very much,
Anonymous
Hi, Anonymous! Thanks so much for your question (and the compliments!). To get some advice for you, we spoke with sex experts Joe Kort, Ph.D., author of Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician, and Ian Kerner, Ph.D., founder of GoodInBed.com. Here's what they had to say:
First, make sure that you genuinely want to do this, and you don't just feel pressure to do so.
There can be a lot of sexual pressure to be a top, a bottom, or versatile, says Kort. In fact, the pressure to be willing to take turns is something that seems to be even more prevalent in younger guys, he says. But it's important to remember that you don't need to fit into any of these distinct categories, and you don't need to be willing to change your sexual preferences for any partner. Some gay men don't engage in any kind of anal penetration at all, and that's perfectly normal, too.
That said, a little sexual experimentation is healthy, so if you're genuinely curious and excited about bottoming, there are definitely ways to do so in a safe and satisfying way.