We asked the sex experts if painful penetration might be a matter of ~size~.
Welcome to the new BuzzFeed Sex Q&A where you can ask us your awkward, confusing, gross, embarrassing, or thought-provoking questions, and we'll provide answers from leading sexual health experts. Have a question about sex or sexual health? Send it to sexQs@buzzfeed.com.
This week's question:
Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed
Dear Buzzfeed Sexperts,
I read your previous Sex Q&A on how to deal with a small penis — my problem concerns an uncooperative vagina. I don't have sex all that often, but when I do penetration tends to be painful (with the exception of a small penis I had sex with that didn't hurt me). I don't bleed from penetration anymore, but I had hoped the pain would be restricted to the first few times I had sex as I "got used to" penetration or whatever, but this hasn't happened.
Not all penetration is painful — my fingers and very (I mean, VERY) small sex toys can go in without any discomfort, but anything bigger is an issue. During sex I normally just put up with it, as the pain isn't as bad after the initial penetration, but it's not exactly fun. I've attempted to use bigger sex toys to see if I can get used to them, but this has not gone well. I don't feel like I should be having to force things up there when I'm alone and chill and doing all the rights things, like using lots of lube, etc.
I wonder if I just have a small vagina, or if it's all in my head? I do remember past penetration being painful, and particularly the first time I had sex I was pressured into it, so maybe my brain is like "no stop the thing sex is bad?" Either way, I'm not sure what to do. For right now I don't mind because I don't really get much from internal stimulation, and external masturbation is more than enough for me. But I'm worried that this could affect things if I got into a relationship.
Kind Regards,
Tight Lipped
Hi, Tight Lipped! Thanks so much for sending along your question. To help answer it, we spoke with Dr. Alyssa Dweck, OB-GYN and coauthor of V is For Vagina, and Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, sex therapist and author of Wanting To Want. Here's what they had to say:
There are SO many different things that can cause painful sex, but it probably has nothing to do with the size or tightness of your vagina.
It's highly unlikely that you're just too tight anatomically, since vaginas are made to expand during arousal, and obviously a whole lot more during childbirth, says Castellanos. Of course, it takes time, adequate foreplay, and lots of lubrication for your vaginal canal to open up so that penetration can be comfortable. But just know that having a "too small" vagina isn't really something you need to worry about.
That said, in very rare cases, a woman can be born with much thicker hymenal tissue (an imperforate hymen) or you may have remnants of the hymen in your vaginal opening, which could actually make things tight or blocked down there. It's very unlikely, but your gynecologist can diagnose it during an exam, says Dweck.